Teens with Hearing Loss and the Price to Pass as ‘Normal’

Understanding Why Teens with Hearing Loss Try to “Pass as Normal”

Image Credit: Fer Gregory / Shutterstock

Many teens with hearing loss try to “pass as normal” by hiding their hearing loss, avoiding hearing devices, or choosing not to request accommodations because they want to fit in with their peers. While understandable, these choices can increase communication challenges, anxiety, and social isolation. Parents and educators can help teens build confidence, self-advocacy, and a healthy sense of identity.

Adolescence is a time when friendships, belonging, and identity are especially important. Many teens with hearing loss may choose to conceal their hearing loss or avoid using hearing technology in order to fit in. Understanding why this happens allows families and educators to better help teenagers as they develop confidence, resilience, and a positive self-image.

Starting middle school and high school represents a new start for many students. They may have been known as ‘the kid with hearing aids’ in elementary school. When they start secondary school, the peer group broadens, and they have a chance to reinvent themselves. Too often, students with mild to moderate hearing loss take this opportunity to try to ‘pass as normal’ by not using hearing devices. This article will look at this phenomenon and how we can support these students during these transition times.

Why Teens with Hearing Loss Feel Pressure to Fit In

Teens with hearing loss, like most other teenagers, want to feel accepted by their classmates. Throughout middle and high school, identity becomes closely linked to friendships, independence, and belonging. Some teenagers start making decisions based on how they think others will perceive them, rather than what best meets their communication needs.

Are my clothes ‘cool’ enough? Will any boy like me? Will girls think I’m a dweeb? Worries like these are common for almost all teens as they enter middle school and/or high school. They want to both assert their independence to be seen as who they are and to hide in the crowd so they won’t be seen as too different. It is a confusing time.

From approximately age 12-19 years, children develop a strong affiliation and devotion to ideals, causes, and friends. They are concerned with how they appear to others. They establish this new sense of self by using past experiences to guide their anticipation of the future (i.e., successful integration with hearing peers vs. frequent teasing due to hearing differences). In their desire to ‘be more like the person my group expects me to become ’, adolescents with hearing loss who have no other DHH peers or successful DHH role models often feel that to be part of the group, they need to pass as normal hearing. We often see this result as ‘forgetting,’ breaking, or refusing to use hearing devices. It may be a refusal to use a HAT in the classroom or not wearing one or both hearing aids.

Identity, Belonging, and Peer Acceptance

During adolescence, many teens begin to wonder, “Where do I belong?” Teens with hearing loss may find it much more difficult to manage their hearing identity with friendships, academic expectations, and developing independence. Feeling accepted by peers frequently influences decisions about hearing technology, self-advocacy, and communication choices.

Research on Anxiety and Depression in Teens with Hearing Loss

Degree of hearing loss and anxiety symptoms in teens with hearing loss. Image courtesy of Cejas, I., Sanchez, C., & Holcomb, M. (2021). “Understanding Depression and Anxiety in Adolescents with Hearing Loss.” The Hearing Journal / Wolters Kluwer Health, Inc.

At this stage, students are working on how they integrate into society as a whole as an independent person, separate from family and established supports (like long-time DHH support services). There are additional challenges to developing an identity when a person is a minority in a group, in this case, having a hearing loss when peers are typically hearing. A higher rate of anxiety and depression as compared to hearing peers was revealed in a 2021 study¹ that asked 104 individuals ages 12-18 attending otology clinic appointments to complete a survey to look at the association between mental health and hearing loss.

Results of this study found that 25% of adolescents scored above the clinical cut-off for significant issues for anxiety or depression, and 9% were found to be significant for both. More importantly, 30% scored in the at-risk range for depression, and 21% scored in the at-risk range for anxiety.

Children with depression and/or anxiety are 7 times more likely to have accrued more than 2 weeks of school absences and are 3 times more likely to be non-compliant with recommendations, like refusing use of hearing devices, which, as a result, will negatively affect communication abilities, quality of life, speech understanding, and social interactions.

What This Research Means

These findings should not alarm families but instead encourage them to have early conversations about confidence, communication, and emotional well-being. Teens are better able to navigate adolescence when they receive proper support, strong role models, and opportunities to connect with others who have had similar experiences.

If we know that students with hearing loss are at much higher risk for anxiety and depression, what can we do?²

Helping Teens with Hearing Loss Build Confidence

Building confidence involves more than just teaching communication skills. Teens also need opportunities to develop a healthy identity, meaningful friendships, and a sense of belonging in both the hearing and deaf/hard of hearing communities.

Chart illustrating the relationship between the degree of hearing loss and depression severity in adolescents. Source: Cejas, I., Sanchez, C., & Holcomb, M. (2021). “Understanding Depression and Anxiety in Adolescents with Hearing Loss.” The Hearing Journal. Reprinted/Adapted with permission.

Four types of integration in this case must be considered and facilitated:

1. Coming to feel like I belong to my peer group and immediate community.
2. Coming to feel like I am an integrated part of the community of persons with hearing loss.
3. Internally integrating how much I am like my peer group, along with my differences
4. Coming out, or feeling okay with how I present myself as a person with hearing loss (disclosure)

Focus on all four of these components is necessary for the person to feel empowered and integrated into the hearing community as a person who is deaf or hard of hearing, along with integrating into the DHH community itself.

Why Belonging Matters

One of the most powerful protective factors for teenagers is the sense of belonging among their friends. Positive connections, supportive families, successful role models who are deaf or hard of hearing, and opportunities to interact with others who have similar experiences contribute to higher self-confidence and emotional well-being.

Early Skill Building Is Not Enough.

Building resilience to teasing, developing skills at making friends, and developing perseverance in challenging communication situations will go far in helping ANY student to weather the travails of adolescence. Even with attention to these skills, the drive to ‘fit in’ is often so strong that the student with hearing loss feels he must reconcile who he knows he is (a student who has a hearing loss) with what he perceives his peer group wants him to be (someone who does not use hearing devices).

Confidence Grows Through Experience

Teens’ confidence grows when they successfully handle problems, advocate for themselves, and interact positively with others. Adults may encourage that progress by praising effort, encouraging independence, and reminding teens that hearing loss is just one aspect of who they are.

The greatest impact in this situation occurs when the student comes to realize
1) He is not alone in having a hearing loss and facing these challenges, and
2) There are plenty of examples of successful people who have gone through what he is going through now.

Secondary schools pool student bodies from a number of elementary or middle schools. If a student was a ‘one and only’ in elementary, there may be a small number of DHH peers attending the same secondary school. For the sake of student mental health, continued device use, and resulting academic performance, it should become a high priority to get together with secondary students. If this cannot be accomplished in the same building, then it should be pursued in an online format.

Practical Ways to Support Teens with Hearing Loss

Parents, educators, and professionals all play an important role in helping teens with hearing loss develop confidence and a healthy self-identity.

For Parents

• Encourage open conversations about hearing loss.
• Celebrate strengths beyond hearing ability.
• Support independence while remaining available.
• Introduce positive deaf and hard-of-hearing role models.
• Normalize hearing technology as a tool for success.

For Educators

• Encourage classroom inclusion.
• Reduce communication barriers.
• Support self-advocacy.
• Promote peer acceptance.
• Connect students with mentors whenever possible.

For Teens

• Remember that hearing loss is only one part of who you are.
• Build friendships with supportive peers.
• Ask for accommodations when needed.
• Celebrate your strengths.
• Seek role models who inspire confidence.

Suggestions for what to share in a group or discuss with individual teens:
Teacher Tools Takeout Subscribers have access to Kool Kidz Vidz to show, share, and discuss with one or more teens. Play A Wizard’s Challenge Game to get at what it’s like to be a ‘wizard’ in a world of ‘muggles.’ Talk about How to Be Cool with the group. Teachers can read more about self-concept, strategies, and assessment. Other items from Teacher Tools Takeout – search for Self-Concept or 0366, 0374, 0658.

Teens with Hearing Loss: Key Takeaways

✔️ Many teens with hearing loss experience pressure to fit in with hearing peers.
✔️ Hiding hearing loss or avoiding hearing technology may increase communication challenges.
✔️ Confidence grows through belonging, self-advocacy, and supportive relationships.
✔️ Families and educators play an important role in helping teenagers develop resilience.
✔️ Positive role models help teens see successful futures.
✔️ Every teen deserves to feel accepted for who they are.

Frequently Asked Questions: Supporting Teens with Hearing Loss

Why do some teens with hearing loss try to “pass as normal” to fit in?
The desire for peer acceptance peaks during adolescence. Many teens with hearing loss will attempt to minimize or hide their audiological needs to avoid standing out, reduce the risk of teasing, and feel completely accepted by their typical-hearing peer groups. This behavior often drives them to intentionally hide their devices under long hair, “forget” their assistive technology, or skip requesting legally mandated classroom accommodations because they fear being treated differently.

Does navigating a mainstream school increase anxiety in teenagers with hearing loss?
Yes, research indicates that teens with hearing loss experience higher rates of stress, self-consciousness, anxiety, and depression compared to their typical-hearing classmates. This emotional strain is rarely caused by the hearing loss itself. Instead, it is the steep emotional and physical cost of constant masking, severe listening fatigue from lip-reading fast peer conversations, and the persistent underlying fear of a social communication breakdown.

Should teenagers always disclose their hearing loss to their peers?
Forcing a teenager to disclose their condition can backfire, as every adolescent has the right to decide how they share their identity. However, avoiding disclosure altogether often increases social strain. Learning to comfortably and confidently disclose their hearing needs helps teens with hearing loss take charge of their social environments. It allows them to set up clear, successful communication channels and build deeper, more authentic friendships.

How can adults evaluate the invisible emotional toll on a struggling teen?
Because adolescents are exceptionally skilled at hiding their social vulnerabilities, parents and educators should look closely at how a teen’s internal struggles manifest in daily school patterns:

What practical framework can schools and families use to build genuine identity confidence?
Helping teens with hearing loss step away from the exhausting cycle of trying to pass requires a careful balance of peer representation and low-profile environmental support:

• Establish Connections with the DHH Peer Community:
  • Break the Isolation.
  • Actively introduce the teenager to other DHH peers and successful adult mentors. Seeing individuals they admire comfortably wear their technology and normalize their hearing needs is the fastest way to replace identity shame with pride.
• Provide Discreet Classroom Accommodations:
  • Environmental Safeguards.
  • Schools must ensure that accommodations like setting up closed captioning or using Roger wireless transmitters are managed naturally by staff. Fostering inclusion without drawing unnecessary spotlight to a student’s differences honors their developmental need to blend in.
• Practice Low-Stress Self-Advocacy Scripts:
  • Skill Acquisition.
  • Engage the teenager in practicing brief, casual self-disclosure scripts (e.g., “The noise in this room is wild. Let’s grab that table over there so I can catch what you’re saying.”) Equipping them with practical strategies replaces anxiety with a sense of control.

Additional Resources for Supporting Teens with Hearing Loss:
Bullying and Students with Hearing Loss: What Parents and Educators Need to Know
Self-Concept Assessment Strategies for Adolescents with Hearing Loss
How They See Themselves: Self-Concept in Children with Hearing Loss
Self-Concept in Early Childhood: Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers with Hearing Loss
Supporting Self-Concept in Students with Hearing Loss: 3 Go-To Ideas
Understanding Self-Identity and Hearing Loss in Children and Teens
Self-Concept in School-Age Children with Hearing Loss
Addressing Self-Esteem and Issues of Fitting In
Supporting Mental Health in DHH Students in the School
Reducing Stigma and Peer Victimization for Students with Hearing Loss
Bullying and Teasing: Protecting Students with Hearing Loss
What I Wish My Educators Had Known: 20 Tips from Mainstream Deaf and Hard-of-Hearing (DHH) Individuals

References:

https://journals.lww.com/thehearingjournal/Fulltext/2021/04000/Understanding_Depression_and_Anxiety_in. 5.aspx

Building Self-Confidence & Resilience to Maximize Acceptance of Hearing Devices (book) https://teachertoolstakeout.com/0637-interpretation-assessment

Author: Karen L. Anderson, PhD
Download the original article.

Originally published: Sept. 2021
Last updated: June 2026